Agrippa has secrets. Secrets he keeps from me. I have clues of course, a mental list of names and places all mixed up with things I heard or saw... Cos, Haven going missing, Xia leaving and becoming Ubara, The thief, Crates that did not hold dresses, labels I could not read. In Port Kar I was not allowed out alone, I never left the house or shop without Agrippa or his men. Don't misunderstand, I was not guarded.. I am not worth much. A silver, 40 coppers.. a half a dollar? Yea, I wasn't guarded. But now and then one of his men would take me out to the shops, to carry his things. No one ever used me.. not that it was not allowed. It was just that.. you don't put on another mans boxers without asking first, right? Even if we are talking about grade a silk hand woven by the gods with stars in her eyes kind of boxers.
Sometimes I ache to ask him, to tell me what’s going on, what is he protecting me from and why? I am only a slave, I want to know everything but I am only a slave. I have to wait and trust that he will tell me when he wishes me to know.. and maybe never at all and maybe that's best. Gor is a harsher world then I am used too. Perhaps he does not think I am prepared to know all his secrets, maybe he would be right.
I am sitting today, on the sun deck on Goat Hill. Another day I will tell you all about this wonderful house, today I will only tell you about the view. My view. Ok so I know it is not 'mine' but at the same time.. it is! Especially right now. I am sitting up here on the cool wood just before the sun climbs high enough to warm the roof. I can see just about all of Port Cos and the river winding gently away.
Up here everything is quiet and peaceful. I can feel the wind coming in from the water and pulling my silken waves from my face. I close my eyes and breathe it in, letting the whole world fill me up inside and settle there..And then I breathe out.. letting it all go back where it belongs. Down stairs there are a million little things waiting for me. I am first girl now and while I really don’t feel any different or feel like I have anything more to do.. I do feel like what I have been doing all along will count more now, I will be held more accountable. Thinking about that sends a shiver down my spine. Agrippa is very good to me.. but he is also a little bit harder on me then on others. My failures count for more, my success for less. Disappointing him is not an option.
But I digress. I was trying to tell you about Port Cos. I have been to several cities on Gor, some for a day or a week and some for months or nearly a year. Port Kar stands out the most, though I am largely unaffected by living there. Like I said.. I was sheltered from the filfh there.. Agrippa did not, I think, want me tainted by it.
Port Cos is .. amazing. There is such beauty here in the landscape that takes away my paltry breath. Every time I turn a new corner I am accosted by something new and delightful. Here I am allowed to go out alone though.. I am timid about it. I am nervous about serving strangers. I am frightened of being caught by other men. Not all men are honorable enough to ask permission. I fear that my reluctance to venture away from my Master is beginning to annoy him. I shall try, I suppose.. to be more like the other girls. I see how much they make him smile with their.. Confidence and attitude.
Port Cos will be a constant lesson for me, I think. I am not only sharing my master with other women now.. but with an entire city. Already the free woman flock for his attention and while I greatly.. and I do mean greatly! enjoy watching those displays and his subtle rejections they ignore.. I miss the times when it was just us in a dusty shop, before a dying fire or cleaning up bloodstains at the bottom of a stairwell. Sigh.
"Lola!" I can hear him calling me. I didn't tell anyone I had come up here. I rise, unfolding gracefully, the soft purple ribbon in my hair danced as the breeze picks up and I can see another ship approaching the docks.
"LOLA!" Closer now.. maybe he does know I am up here. I grin. I like it, in a weird way, when he shouts for me. Maybe I just like being needed.
"I'm coming!" I call down the steps as I hurry down them with the shimmer of my ankle bells.
In the end... I'd live anywhere and be happy about it to still be his girl, but I am glad he choose Port Cos because the sunsets here explode over the river every evening and it always reminds me of how lucky I am to have been chose to come here, to have been chosen...
By Him.
"..Lola." He smiles.
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