I was in the garden this morning, pulling up the dandelions that kept trying to choke the roses that grew wild along the western wall. Agrippa had walked past the doors, I had left them thrown open. He smiled at me and I straightened up, brushing a sunny tendril from my face, I left a streak of dirt there and he chuckled at me. I blushed.
"Be a good girl Lola."
Flash.
It was nearly two years ago now, I think. It is hard for me to tell time and dates on this planet, but that's close enough. I had already been on Gor for one year and I was just about to turn 19, I think. Like I said, the dates get all mixed up in my head. I was on a ship bound for some northern port, or southern.. see I wasn’t sure of that either. Part of my training was no training at all. On earth I had been a clever, educated girl. On Gor I was effectively clueless, always a step behind, always trying to puzzle out the world.
I knew very few things and they were thusly..
1. The Professor was at fault.
2. The Professor owned me.
3. I was being shipped to the Professor.
4. The Professor had gone to great lengths to do .. this.
5. The Professor was my whole world.
I had not seen him since my last night on Earth, the night he tried to tell me about dominance and submission, the night I had laughed at him and called him an impotent old man.
"Bad little girls should be spanked." he said.
"Dirty old men should be locked up." I laughed.
He poured me another glass of wine. A year later I was on a ship heading away from Ar. I was not collared, nor branded. My slavery was not yet.. mine. I was just surviving. Perhaps the Professor did this on purpose, made me desperate for affection, for the gentle touch of a man, the harsh grasp of a Master. Isolation had made me weak, vulnerable.. and ready for Gor.
There was seventeen of us on the ship, seventeen girls from Ar, each more beautiful then the next. My beauty is not like theirs, I am non traditional. I was dressed the same though, brown rep cloth tunics, slit high on each thigh. I was not to be touched but I would be teased. I would be tested. Once a day they let us on deck, for an hour we were allowed to wander and bask in the sun.. we had to dodge the sailors hands.
I remember the way I felt, leaning against the rail, watching the other ship approach us slowly. I was contented, happy.. excited for my next journey and terrified all at once. I watched the other ship, I saw a dark haired man in uniform standing at the ships bow. I saw his lips twitch and I turned away quickly. Now, today.. I sometimes wonder if that man was Agrippa, if he saw me then.. If everything that happened next might have been all because of the curve of my cheekbone or the turn of my hip. I have never asked him, I am too scared to learn how random it all really was, how accidental. I prefer the romantic notion that he wanted me then, bad enough to commit the acts that followed.
It's all so fuzzy now.. Everything that happened in the next hour is a blur... Shots were fired, the captain of my ship and Agrippa argued, threatened.. The captain of our ship was a pirate and the seventeen girls and I were being stolen. There were screams and shouting. I was knocked to the deck when the two ships collided and the men from Agrippa’s ship poured like ants onto ours. Men died that day. I fled the deck, or tried.. but every door I found, every exit, was blocked by sword fights or worse.. fallen bodies. I slipped in a pool of red blood and I cried out as I felt it splatter against my calf. I turned again, trying to run but I left hellish prints of blood with my small feet.. I felt him behind me before I turned. Blue eyes met brown.. I whimpered and pressed my hand to my naked throat. My back against cool metal. I was trapped. He was pleased.
Agrippa smiled at me. "Tal." he said as if he were just another frat boy at a Omega Phi Kegger. The kind of boy I'd never speak too, the kind of boy beneath me. He reached for me, took my elbow. I was wide eyed. "Oh wait, please!" There was a body between us and Agrippa, as gentle as could be, helped me step over it. He looked into my eyes and knew all my bad girl secrets. He knew just how to lull me into complacency. He helped me cross to his ship easily. We had barely spoken. I was terrified. We had, in that moment, already pressed our fingerprints onto each others soul.
The women were rounded up on the deck; the men were being marched below. I looked at the group of girls and inhaled deeply. I expected to be shoved in with them. The men were loud around me, cat calling and arguing over who would get which girl. We were the spoils of an international ship battle. Something I could barely comprehend.
"I want that one!" Someone called and pointed at me.
"No, she’s not up for grabs." Agrippa spoke. Instinctively I curled my body against his side. He wasn’t angry or jealous or any of things that would have made me swooney. He just... was. I felt everyone’s eyes on me and while I wanted to deny what he said.. I pressed to his side, looking for protection form the accusing looks. Agrippa had been to the buffet and picked out his meal, that’s all. No one challenged him.
I was not allowed to leave his side for the rest of the night and I barely spoke. I watched him though, how he spoke to his men, how he laughed and how he ate. I kept his battered tin cup filled, I ate from his fingers. There was laughter around me when I did that and it confused me, I did not understand the act of submission I had just committed.
There was dancing going on and a game that my friend Brenda lost.. She was gang raped right there on the deck and Agrippa made me watch. I did not know his name then and all I had said to him so far was a serious of quiet please’s. His hand was in my hair and he pressed me to his thigh as I watched. He whispered to me, things that made my pulse race, things that made me squirm. I watched my friend as she was used so completely that when they finished with her she slept.. right there on the deck.. in a slick pile of mess.
"What are you called?" He asked me, gently pulling my hair so I would look up at him.
"Lola." I whispered. My eyes on his.
He smiled at me. "Suck my cock Lola."
And I did. He hurt me that night on the deck; he was no longer gentle with the little girl between his thighs. I wept for what he took from me, stole from the professor. When he finished with me I expected to be sent away, to be dismissed and given away. I was surprised.. and a little touched when he took me with him to the nets and pulled me down beside him. My throat was sore, my jaw ached and I felt dirty and cold. He pressed my cheek to his hip and said..
“Be a good girl Lola”
And I, unable to help myself sighed against his skin, relaxed into him and slept.
Looking back now I wish I had not been so clueless then, so confused. I wish I could have allowed myself to feel pride that I was coveted by the Captain of such a ship, that I was kept apart from the other girls. I was yours; you never had to tell me. I already knew.
I was already yours.
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