Stolen?!

I suppose it is my own fault. It must be my own fault. I still am not sue what I did to warrant the beating this morning but I took it to heart, the things he said afterwards. At least.. I meant too. Entertain, amuse, please. I was a privately owned city slave. City slave.

It had been a very short time ago, in Port Kar, where everything had been good and fine and happy. I'd been important to him then. I'd been special. Everything has changed. How I feel is constant. I loved him. I love him, I will love him.

from afar.

Agrippa needs .. things I cannot give him. Glory is better for him then I am. She is less.. curious then I am, she doesn't have my need to know and understand things. Her emotions are more focused on sex then mine are. I am not any good at being a slut. I'm just a silly little girl who thought she was in love.

I wish I had someone I could tell, someone who would see the empty space in my chest where my heart used to be and hug me, tell me it will be all right again. On Gor a woman like me can have many masters. I have no right to expect love. I have no right to even expect kindness.

No more expectations.

I had the most horrible feeling that it was coming, that he was finished with me. He wanted whores.. not silly little girls. Maybe I smiled too much, laughed too much.. or cried too much. I am crying now. Was it my ribbons? My flowers? My sensitivity? I had run home from the Markets, my ribbons left there, the bag as well. I had fled to the garden, where I could lose myself in the brightly colored flowers. Blossoms I could whisper all my secret feelings too and they would never judge me for it. I stayed there for hours when I started to think about the basement.

I rose, a handful of daisies in my hand and started for the basement door. My heart was pounding, my ponytail swung loosely down my back. I felt calmer just thinking about that room. I wanted to lock myself in there and sleep away the next few days. My hand closed over the knob, the key was in my hand when it happened.

I was grabbed from behind in the quiet house and rudely stripped, a hand covered my mouth and then a gag was forced between my lips so I could not scream. The peach silks I wore were torn from me, spilled on the floor in a ruined pile. The ribbon in my hair was yanked free and my yellow waves fell around my slender shoulders. My belly chain was torn free and skittered across the floor. They left my earrings in place though I was now naked. I recognized one of the men, he stood before me and I nearly relaxed. He worked for my Master. Surely I was safe.. he worked for my Master!

And then he pulled out a key and unlocked my collar.

I screamed, fought and kicked him. I lost every shred of decorum I had left. The hand on my mouth tightened and forced the rag deeper in my mouth, his arm held my waist tightly, pulling me back on him as I tried to scratch them, kick them.. I wanted my collar back! I'd die without it, I'd .. just.. die.

Please oh please oh please.. I was choking on the rag, bruised around my waist. I was sobbing again. I'd never see my garden again. The vegetables on the roof would surely die, the sewing room would grow dusty. Who would cook for him? Who would press his uniform and carefully scrub the straps of his sandals?

Who would sleep in the basement?

"The professor has a message for you." The man spoke. Was he kidnapping me?! Was I being sold?! I shook my head violently, slamming the back of my head into the nose of the man who held me. In surprise he let me go and I tried to run at once, my feet slipped and I caught myself on my hands. I started to scream for Agrippa but the man I recognized was fast and I felt a sudden blinding pain behind my eyes and the whole world.. went black.

When Agrippa came home I'd be gone.. but my silks, my belly chain and a scattering of daises would be scattered across the floor by the basement door. I clung to the hope that he would find me and bring me back home.

Where I belonged.